Silent Scribbles

- 贰零贰伍年二月二十六日 (2) ：昨天，我对一个现象有了新的理解。大多数女性在婚后（甚至婚前）逐渐疏远朋友，很大程度上源于系统性的社会结构。家庭观念深深植根于女性的意识与思想中。长期的社会驯化与规训让大多数女性将家人（包括父母、亲兄妹，结婚后还包括丈夫）视为最重要的人。她们倾向于把所有事情都倾诉给家人，并牢固地维护家庭关系，而不是朋友关系。例如，她们可能不会认为向家人透露朋友的秘密是一种背叛，因为她们认为家人是“自己的一部分”。这与女性在亲密关系中的归属感和边界感有关。许多女性在长期的社会化过程中形成了一种“共享式亲密关系”，即她们倾向于通过共享信息、情感依赖来维系关系。同时，在许多社会文化中，女性被期待承担主要的家庭责任，甚至在婚前就被灌输“家庭至上”的价值观。这种观念不仅来自家庭教育，也受到影视作品、文学作品以及社会规范的强化。相比之下，男性被赋予更大的社交自由度，鼓励他们发展事业、建立“兄弟情谊”，他们更倾向于在男性群体内部分享和处理事务，而不会轻易将这些内容带入家庭。男性更倾向于“并列式友谊”，即通过共同活动（如运动、游戏、合作）来维持关系，而不一定通过深度倾诉。这里仅记录一些初步的想法，留待进一步探讨。

- 贰零贰伍年二月二十六日 (1) ：突然车里响起了孙燕姿的银泰，听着前奏，突然感觉像是在品尝一杯红酒，仿佛在享受它的香甜、苦涩与浸润。在匆忙的时间里，你无法感受这样的歌曲，因为它是缓慢的，是复杂的，是需要沉淀的，只能在特定的意境下和闲暇下你才能体会到它的美。恍恍惚惚，看到路边庭院挂的美国的旗帜，一下子击中我的内心，我在想，小时候的我对未来的设想是什么样的？至少不是现在这样的，而且也不是由这旗帜构成的。银泰再次把我拉回现实，我想再沉浸再歌里，于是我回播了一遍。但是不能再听第三遍了，因为气味已经逐渐消散了，大脑已经习惯了这样的沉浸，便不会再有强烈的刺激了。我继续开着车，也不知道开往何处.

- 贰零贰伍年二月一日 ：“大人们都没有了鲜明的情感，他们就像是机器人一样。他们口口声声说的“道德”，似乎也在他们身上看不见了”

- 贰零贰伍年一月二十九日 : “年龄越大，经验越丰富。” 我们可以举出局部最优的例子来推翻这样的话语，还有就是RELU function中，负数为0也可以来推翻这样话，用梯度消失来反驳。没想到哲学真的能够囊括一切，有趣。（注：这里的哲学指的是普世哲理）。

我将会在这个页面放一些个人浅显和没有经过缜密思考的想法、见解，亦或是一些有趣的事情，也可能是论文被拒的消息...之后也许会想开启一部小说？我不确定，因为我觉得自己看书太少了，文字干涉无聊，也许会作为消遣？因为最近感受到了一股’使命‘？其实也不是。不由得想到了以前初中和高中的小说主题，我居然会立足在战争和杀戮上，现在想到也是及其荒谬的。似乎也能明白一点为什么以前大人总是说‘小孩子，还年轻，比较幼稚，什么都不懂’。28岁的我和13岁的我，对整个世界架构的理解和规则的理解是完全不同的。13岁的我就像是刚注册了游戏账号的我，还在新手引导阶段，虽然有一定程度的自由探索，但是仅限在新手村。而现在的我再回看以前，虽然我不会嗤笑自己的幼稚，但是也是像看孩子的眼光看着当年的自己。总之，如果要开始写小说的话，我会在下面单独开一个页面，其余的想法也都是比较凌乱的速记。当作一种代码之余的消遣吧～（请忽略一些可能的错别字或者是不缜密或可能错误的地方...）

- Feb. 26, 2025 (2) : Yesterday, I gained a new understanding of a certain phenomenon. The gradual distancing of most women from their friends after marriage (or even before) is largely rooted in systemic social structures. The concept of family is deeply ingrained in women's consciousness and thoughts. Through long-term social conditioning and discipline, most women come to view their family members—including parents, siblings, and later, their spouses—as the most important people in their lives. They tend to confide in their family members about everything and prioritize maintaining familial relationships over friendships. For example, they may not consider sharing a friend’s secret with their family as a betrayal because they see their family as an extension of themselves. This is closely related to women’s sense of belonging and boundaries in intimate relationships. Many women develop a form of "shared intimacy", in which they maintain relationships through shared information and emotional dependence. At the same time, in many societies, women are expected to take on primary family responsibilities, and they are instilled with the value of "family first" even before marriage. This belief is reinforced not only by family education but also through media, literature, and social norms. In contrast, men are often granted greater social freedom, encouraged to develop their careers, and build strong "brotherhood" bonds. They are more likely to share and handle matters within male peer groups rather than bring them into their family life. Men tend to form "side-by-side friendships," which are maintained through shared activities—such as sports, gaming, or collaboration—rather than deep emotional disclosure. These are just some preliminary thoughts, open for further exploration.

- Feb. 26, 2025 (1) : Suddenly, Stefanie Sun’s Yintai started playing in the car. As I listened to the intro, it felt like savoring a glass of red wine—enjoying its sweetness, bitterness, and depth. In the rush of time, you can’t truly appreciate a song like this because it is slow, complex, and requires reflection. Only in certain moods and moments of leisure can you truly grasp its beauty. Lost in thought, I caught a glimpse of an American flag hanging in a courtyard by the road. It struck something deep inside me. I wondered—what were my dreams for the future when I was a child? Certainly not this, and certainly not something shaped by this flag. Yintai pulled me back to reality. Wanting to immerse myself in it once more, I replayed the song. But I knew I couldn’t listen to it a third time—the sensation was already fading, the brain growing accustomed to the immersion, dulling the intensity of the experience. I kept driving, without knowing where I was headed.

- Feb. 1, 2025 : “The adults no longer have vivid emotions; they are like robots. The ‘morality’ they keep talking about seems to be nowhere to be found in them.”

- Jan. 29, 2025 : ‘The older you get, the more experience you gain.’ We can provide examples of local optima to counter this statement, and also, in the RELU function, where negative numbers are set to 0, we can use gradient vanishing to refute it. I didn’t expect philosophy to truly encompass everything—interesting. (Note: The philosophy here refers to universal truths.)

I will put some of my personal, simple, and unthought-out ideas or insights on this page, maybe some interesting things, or even news of paper rejections… Maybe I’ll start a novel later? I’m not sure, because I feel like I haven’t read enough books, and writing feels like a distraction. Maybe it’ll be a pastime? Recently, I’ve felt a sense of ‘mission’? But actually, not really. I can’t help but think of the themes of the novels I used to write in middle and high school. I actually focused on war and killing, which now seems utterly absurd. I can sort of understand why adults used to say, ‘Kids are still young, immature, they don’t understand anything.’ At 28, my understanding of the world and its rules is completely different from when I was 13. The 13-year-old me was like someone who just registered a game account, still in the tutorial phase. While there was some freedom to explore, it was limited to the beginner’s village. Now, looking back, even though I wouldn’t mock my own immaturity, I do look at my younger self as though I were watching a child. In any case, if I were to start writing a novel, I would open a separate page for it, and the rest of the ideas will just be hasty notes. It’ll be a form of distraction from coding～ (Please ignore any possible typos, careless mistakes, or errors…)